It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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