I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
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