if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
I wish I could teleport
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
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