there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize
