Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
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