I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
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