didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
Randomize
