so that wasnt chicken after all
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
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