If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
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