even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Randomize
