it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
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