My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
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In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
You made out with two different species that night
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The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
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