'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
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Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
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She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
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