I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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