I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
