Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
Randomize
