I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
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