I accidentally had phone sex last night
It's just like the Real World with babies
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
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