well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
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