dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
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