I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
The adults are the big ones right?
Randomize
