I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
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