Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.