just sent my roommate on a cheese run
Little spoons don't ask big questions
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
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You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
im calling her cock vulture from now on
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
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Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk