And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
Guy Shares All The ‘New Discoveries’ He’s Made Since Moving In With His Girlfriend And It’s Hilariously Relatable
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.