He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy