How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
It’s A Miracle These 21 Promiscuous People Don’t Have STDs
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
Even my vagina gasped.
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
These 27 Infuriatingly Annoying Habits Will Ruin Your Day
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick