i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
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Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
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He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest