Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
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I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
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It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.