with your own penis?
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
23 Roommates Share Secrets Their Roomie Thinks They Don’t Know
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
29 Cringeworthy Situations People Realized They Shouldn’t Be In
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.