i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
These Attractive Criminals Took Sexy Mugshots That Made Them Famous
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
This Girl’s Unbelievable Catfish Story Will Make You Rethink Online Dating
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...