Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
this must be what syphilis tastes like
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
