i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
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