So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Randomize
