good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
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