What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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