IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
Randomize
