i love accidental penises.
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
Life is so much better after having sex.
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
Randomize
