I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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