Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
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