Its okay if i dont like him.his junk is just too good to resist.model penis,lame guy.
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Randomize
