He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
Randomize
