I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
Randomize
