I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
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But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
I would ride that face into the sunset
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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