Don't make out with my wife yet
If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize
