Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
I want you more than these girls want KFC
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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