Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Randomize
