Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
