I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
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