In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Randomize
