bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
did i just pee glitter
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
Randomize
