No awkward lesbian experiences without me
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Randomize
