Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
