How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
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He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
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My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
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