Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
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He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
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Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
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