Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
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I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
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I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
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