I didn't shave. On purpose
thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Randomize
