just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
BROstal carolina. Watching a boy drinking rum and coke out of a cup of noodle empty cup.
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
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