I bet he comes in French.
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
don't judge my taste in strippers
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
Randomize
