SEEEEXXX PLEASE
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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