I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
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