Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
Randomize
