i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize