with your own penis?
it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
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Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
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You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
He's on the porch naked. Help.
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