Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
My boob is missing a layer of skin
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
Is her dick bigger than yours?
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
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