I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
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Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
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I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
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