wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS