Do you still have your period?
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
These 25 Drunks Should’ve Gotten Cut Off A Long Time Ago
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
27 Freshmen Who Really Didn’t Know What They Were Getting In To
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
She's not a foreskin expert like you
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids