i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.