Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO