Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
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